Sunday, 24 June 2012

Tales from Planet Print #4

Tales from Planet Print is a new feature on the blog. It centres around the daily lives of books here on Planet Print, and the sorts of things they get up to when they think no-one is looking. Each week involves different books and the different situations they get themselves into. At Planet Print, we believe all books are entitled to freedom and happiness. We stand for justice and we stand against shelving. Free books are happy books.

Choir: We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
The False Prince: going on here?
Unidentified conductor: We shall now move on to Silent Night!
Choir: Siiiiiiilent niiiiight, hoooooly night, all is calm, all is bright...
The False Prince: Why are you singing Christmas songs? It's June! We're nowhere near Christmas!
Choir: (silence)

The False Prince: Snow? YOU'RE the one organising all of this?
Conductor Snow: Yes. And I don't see what your problem is. Leave us to sing in peace!
The False Prince: But why are you already practising? Christmas isn't for months.
Conductor Snow: Christmas isn't a time of year, Prince. It's a state of mind.
The False Prince: ...Sorry?
Conductor Snow: Christmas is a state of mind! For my choir and I, Christmas is every day. We live for the joy and happiness of Christmas!
The False Prince: Do you even know why people celebrate Christmas?
Conductor Snow: Hush, you bringer of misfortune! (turns to choir) Now, back to Silent Night -

Debutantes: Sir...did you really mean it when you said it wasn't Christmas?
The False Prince: Debutantes, it's me. Why are you calling me sir? And you know it's not Christmas! I had lunch with you the other day and you -
Debutantes: Oh the lies! My whole life, a lie! Who am I? What am I? How does one live without the joys of Christmas!
The False Prince: What happened to you? Your whole life hasn't been a lie, what are you on about? And it's Christmas in December -
Debutantes: How was I so deceived? The leaves on the trees, the warmth, the skies - and yet I was so fooled to believe it was Christmas time!
The False Prince: Well it is England. It hasn't stopped raining all summer -

Debutantes: (faints)
Choir: (muttering and whispering) Did you hear? It's not really Christmas!
The False Prince: Okay, what the hell is going on?
Conductor Snow: Look at what you have done, Prince! My best vocalist, rejecting the joys of Christmas!
The False Prince: I don't know what you're talking about! IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS YET. Why are you telling people it is?
Choir: He said it! He said it's not Christmas! (chaos and terror ensues)
Conductor Snow: You shall pay for this, Prince. You shall pay for what you have done.
The False Prince: What did I do? I only told the truth!
Conductor Snow: (chants) I call upon the spirits of Christmas...
The False Prince: Someone get me out of here.

Conductor Snow: Mwahahaha! I hold your life in my hands, Prince. Shall I let you fall? 
The False Prince: How the hell did I get here? What happened?!
Conductor Snow: There is nothing stronger than the will of Christmas!
The False Prince: You make no sense, you crazy lady!
Conductor Snow: (launches into evil, distracting speech) When I was younger...
Seraphina: (whispers) Prince...
Remember: (whispers) Prince...
Serial Hottie: (whispers) Prince...
The False Prince: I must be going insane. 
Remember: Fear not, for you are just as sane as I. I am the Ghost of Christmas Past.
The False Prince: Somehow, that isn't very reassuring.
Seraphina: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present.
Serial Hottie: And I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.
Ghosts of Christmas: We will help you escape from the enchantress Snow.
The False Prince: How?
Ghosts of Christmas: She has deceived her followers into believing it is Christmas. You can only stop this terrible lie by defeating her.
The False Prince: How do I defeat her?
Ghosts of Christmas: You must sing an unChristmassy song.
The False Prince: ...Excuse me?
Ghosts of Christmas: An unChristmassy song. We recommend Summer Nights.
The False Prince: I can't do this.
Remember: (whispers) Then you shall perish...
Seraphina: (whispers) Then you shall perish...
Serial Hottie: (whispers) Then you shall perish...
The False Prince: Okay, okay! Here goes... Summer lovin', had me a blaaaast, summer lovin' happened so faaast...

Ghosts of Christmas: (fading) You sing well, Prince...
Conductor Snow: My eaars! My ears bleed with the awful sound of summer!
Choir: (fallen) The sound! Where is Christmas? Where has it gone?
Conductor Snow: Save me from this fate! I cannot bear to lose the joys of Christmas! Oh when will I see Christmas again?
The False Prince: In bloody December, you crackpot.

I, of course, do not own the Ghosts of Christmas. You can thank Charles Dickens for them. Summer Nights is also the famous song from Grease!

Books (in order of appearance):

The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielson
Snow White and the Huntsman by Lily Blake et al.
Fairy Bad Day by Amanda Ashby
Debutantes by Cora Harrison
Every Other Day by Jennifer Lynn Barnes
Kiss Date Love Hate by Luisa Plaja
Falling Fast by Sophie McKenzie
Pushing the Limits by Kate McGarry
All These Things I've Done by Gabrielle Zevin
Changeling by Philippa Gregory
Infinity by Sherrilyn Kenyon
Dreamless by Josephine Angelini
Blackwood by Gwenda Bond
Shift by Kim Curran
Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas
Unravelling by Elizabeth Norris
From What I Remember by Stacy Kramer and Valerie Thomas
Seraphina by Rachel Hartman
Serial Hottie by Kelly Oram

Many thanks to Atom, Bloomsbury, BookbabblersChicklish, Emma @ BelleBooks, Kate @ Kate's Book Life, Kelly, Luisa, Leanna @ Daisy Chain Book Reviews, Macmillan, MiraInk, NetGalley, Nina @ Death, Books and Tea, Random House, Renu @ The Page Turner and Strange Chemistry. 


  1. I'm totally going to be humming Christmas songs all day today ;)

    Nice post! Happy reading :)

  2. Great post! Happy reading! :)

  3. *snort* Imagining Sage from TFP singing Grease brings me JOY. That cover is seriously like Garth Nix's Confusion of Princes.

  4. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE THIS POST? Hahaha, I REALLY REALLY LOVE IT! And ooo, so many awesome books this week, Liz! Hope you enjoy all of them and happy reading! :)

  5. Lol, I love these posts! But everything's reminding me of Chirstmas lately! I might have to join that weird cult/chior thing Snow had going on so it'll ALWAYS be Christmas! ;)

  6. Buahahaha. "In bloody December, you crackpot." How am I supposed to go see SWATH now when I'll constantly be thinking of a deluded Snow White secretly getting the dwarves to sing Christmas songs off camera? :P

    Love this, Liz!! And whoa, hell of an awesome haul. Dying to read The false Prince, especially! I got Snow White yesterday too... thankfully mine does not seem to be suffering the same glitch as yours. HAPPY READING!

    Merry Christmas, Snow! :P


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