Wednesday, 13 July 2011

Harry Potter Week: Harry Potter through the Ages

Harry: Hermione, what are you doing?
Hermione: (jumps) Oh, Harry, it’s you. You startled me.
Harry: Is that a time-turner in your hand?
Hermione: What? No! Well...I’m just holding on to it for Professor McGonogall...
Ron: Oi! What’s this about a time-turner?
Hermione: (jumps again) Ron! Don’t scare me like that!
Ron: C’mon, let’s see it then. I never got to go with you when you went to save Sirius – thanks for that, by the way.
Harry: You’re not still harping on about that, are you?
Ron: Hey! I wanted to save Sirius too. You just left me –
Harry: Your leg was broken
Ron: - with Madam Pomfrey, in the hospital wing, alone. What if I’d died?
Hermione: (deadpan) I dread to think.
Ron: Hermione!
Harry: Look, just tell us why you have a time-turner.
Hermione: Well...with part two releasing soon, I thought, maybe, it’d be a good idea to revisit some of the best parts of the series. “Harry Potter through the ages”, if you will.
Ron: (disgusted) “Harry Potter through the ages”?
Harry: I like this idea.
Ron: You would, Harry. I bet you have posters of yourself on your wall. Had any nice chats with Lockhart, recently?
Harry: Shut up, Ron. I’d rather have posters of me than the Chudley Cannons. When are you gonna give up on them? They’re never going to win -
Hermione: When did this turn into Quidditch talk? Are you going to come with me or not!
Ron: Fine!
Harry: Fine!
Ron: So...where are we going first?
Hermione: I was thinking about our first day at Hogwarts. What do you think?
Ron: Oh great. The day you told me I had dirt on my nose. Nice, Hermione, thanks.
Hermione: Oh get over it, Ron, it was years ago.
Ron: That’s not the poin-
Harry: Maybe we should just pick somewhere else.
Ron: (sniggering) You only say that because you don’t want to remember how short you were.
Harry: I was NOT short.
Ron: (pulls out a picture) Face facts, Harry. Blimey, look at you! You were a right midget!
Harry: (grabs at photo) Where did you get that?!
Ron: Colin Creevy. You want to autograph it for him? He begged me to-
Harry: SHUT UP.
Hermione: (sighs) If you two don’t stop bickering, I’m going to Stupefy you.
Ron: (shuffles back) Bit harsh, Hermione!
Hermione: Will you please just pick somewhere else!
Harry: What about the day we first met Aragog? You weren’t there for that, Hermione, it was quite the experience...
Ron: Don’t even joke about that, Harry.
Harry: Are you thinking of all those hundreds of thousands of spiders we saw that wanted to eat us?
Ron: Harry...
Harry: Acromantula live for ages, don’t they Hermione? I bet there are still loads in the Forbidden Forest. They track sent pretty well too, don’t they? They might remember ours!
Ron: Harry, mate, seriously...
Harry: Hey, maybe we should go back and visit! Oh wait, they don’t even allow Hagrid in the Hollow now Aragog’s dead. They’d definitely eat us alive –
Ginny: (appears) Like I’d take orders from you, Ron.
Ron: Blimey, when did you get here?
Ginny: I apparated. I passed my test, remember? First time too, unlike someone I know...
Hermione: (snorts)
Ron: And what are you laughing at, Hermione?
Hermione: Me? Nothing, nothing at all.
Harry: Hey, Ginny, what time are we meeting in Diagon Alley?
Ginny: Four. I gotta go Harry, Fleur wants me to help her arrange flowers (grimaces)
Harry: (kisses Ginny) Have fun with that! Try not to hex her.
Ginny: (smiles and disapparates)
Ron: I don’t like seeing my sister snog people, Harry. I don’t like it at all.
Harry: I-
Hermione: Are we EVER going to decide on somewhere?
Harry: Oh yeah. Er, what about the day we found out about the Deathly Hallows?
Ron: You mean at old Xeno’s house? I dunno, he was a nutter.
Hermione: He was not a nutter, Ron.
Ron: Hermione, he tried to hand us over to Death Eaters and then we almost got BLOWN UP. Nutter if I ever saw one...
Hermione: He was worried about Luna –
Ron: - Plus, he got that story wrong. The Tale of the Three Brothers was at “midnight”, not “twilight”.
Hermione: I was the one telling the story!
Ron: You got it wrong then! It was definitely midnight.
Hermione: Just because that’s what your mother used to tell you –
Ron: What’s wrong with what my mother told me?
Hermione: Well, contrary to popular belief, Ron, your mother isn’t ALWAYS right –
Ron: Don’t insult my mother!
Hermione: I’m not insulting her, I’m just saying –
Ron: What do you know anyway? You used to fancy Lockhart!
Hermione: (blushes) What has that got to do with anything?!
Ron: I don’t know, Hermione, maybe because he turned out to be a nutter too! Not a very good judge of character are you?
Hermione: (blushes more, gets angry) Two words, Ron. Lavender Brown.
Harry: Guys...
Ron: (goes pale) That was...not my fault.
Hermione: Not your fault? NOT YOUR FAULT?
Ron: Well, you know...and she...then was just...yeah!
Hermione: Ron, you insensitive, idiotic flobberworm, you –
Hermione: (flattens hair) Harry’s right, we need to actually pick a location.
Ron: (sniffs) What about the Triwizard Tournament?
Harry: Good one, Ron! Yeah, let’s go back to the First Task. I want to see what I looked like flying around that dragon...
Hermione: You were really good, Harry. Even Viktor said you were a great flyer, and he’s a professional.
Ron: Oh Viktor, said that, did he?
Harry: (sighs) Ron...
Ron: And what IS Vicky doing these days? Do you still keep in touch?
Hermione: (raises head) As a matter of fact, we do.
Ron: Oh really. Well, that’s great, that is. I’m sure you and Vicky just write fantastic letters to each other –
Hermione: What is your problem, Ron? He’s just a pen pal. And don’t call him Vicky!
Ron: I’ll call him whatever I like! I can’t believe you. Still fraternising with the enemy...
Hermione: He is not the enemy! He never was the enemy!
Ron: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let’s just pick another place.
Hermione: Don’t change the subject –
Harry: (loudly) What about the time Umbridge was taken away by centaurs?
Ron: What? When was this?
Harry: Oh yeah, forgot you weren’t there.
Ron: Oi, why do I always miss out on the good stuff? Why is it always me? Bad stuff is always happening to me! Remember that time I drank that poison?
Harry: Oh yeah, Ron, bad stuff is alwaaays happening to YOU.
Ron: It is! There was that time I broke my wand when we crashed into the Whomping Willow –
Harry: And the time Voldemort tried to kill you – oh wait, that was ME.
Ron: - and the time burped up all those slugs...
Hermione: This isn’t “The Ron Show”! We’ve all had bad things happen to us! Can we please move on?
Ron: Name one time, Hermione, when something bad happened to you.
Hermione: (fumes) I can think of quite a few, Ron.
Ron: Riiight. Go on then.
Hermione: I seem to recall turning into a CAT when the Polyjuice Potion went wrong. Is that bad enough for you?
Ron: (chuckles) Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Bloody hell, that’s funny when you look back on it...
Hermione: It is not funny!
Harry: Guys, we’ve run out of time.
Hermione: What?
Harry: I mean, we have to go.
Hermione: But we never got to visit anywhere!
Ron: Well you spent so long droning on about where to go –
Hermione: Don’t you dare blame me for this, Ronald Weasley. If it weren’t for you –
Harry: (whispers) I think she’s serious, Ron, she used your full name...
Ron: You’re right mate, let’s get out of here.
Harry and Ron: (disapparate)
Hemione: - then we would have been able to see lots of places and – (looks around) Harry? Ron? Where are you?
Hermione: (pulls wand out of robes and brandishes it like a sword) HARRY POTTER AND RONALD WEASLEY, WHEN I FIND YOU, YOU WILL BE IN SO. MUCH. TROUBLE!

I don't think I ever want to get on the wrong side of Hermione. She can be pretty scary when she wants to be. I hope you enjoyed that little dialogue between the trio - don't forget to check out my co-hosts' blogs to see what they have in store for you today!


  1. "I don’t like seeing my sister snog people, Harry. I don’t like it at all."

    Hahahahaha. Made me laugh. Loving your posts, Liz! :D

  2. LOL! Oh god, Liz. I love this so much. Ron is just.... I LOVE HIM. He is probably my favourite character from the books and you totally nailed him. I love all the bickering and arguing and Ron taking offence to things so easily... comments on his mother, jumping to conclusions about Vicky hehe.

    Run for it, boys!! That Granger girl can be scary as hell :S


  3. This was amazing!

    You got Ron, Harry and Hermione's bickering down pat :)

    I loved the section where Harry was torturing Ron with the spiders... we should do that to Brodie LOL.

    Poor Hermione - she can never get anything done with those boys, huh? What would they do without her?

  4. Love it!!

    I am so in the mood to re-read Harry Potter now! :)


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