Friday, 15 July 2011

Harry Potter Week: Behind Closed Doors at Malfoy Manor

Lucius: There, Bellatrix, that’s the last of the posters. The Ministry should reward us for aiding them in their distribution.
Bellatrix: The Ministry! How dare they make us do such menial tasks? We are loyal servants of the Dark Lord. We answer directly to him!
Lucius: The Ministry is under the control of the Dark Lord, Bellatrix. We are merely following his orders.
Bellatrix: The Ministry are fools. Without the Dark Lord, they would be nothing.
Lucius: (sighs) Yes, Bellatrix. We must return to the mansion, and report to the Dark Lord. He will wish to hear about our successes today.
Bellatrix: Indeed. (disapparates, shortly followed by Lucius)

Malfoy Manor, after work
Narcissa: (sighs)
Lucius: What’s wrong, Narcissa?
Narcissa: I’m worried about Draco.
Lucius: It is only natural that you should worry, but fear not, for the Dark Lord means Draco no harm.
Narcissa: No, it’s not that. It’s...well, he hasn’t been eating properly!
Lucius: (blank) What?
Narcissa: Draco! He’s not eating right. All I ever see him eat are Fizzing Whizzbees and Chocolate Frogs. That boy hasn’t tasted vegetables in weeks! What will happen to his health if he continues this way?
Lucius: Narcissa, is this really what you are worrying about?
Narcissa: And ever since that dreadful house-elf left, there’s been no-one to make sure he has clean clothes! I could have sworn I saw Draco wearing robes from his first year at Hogwarts. They were so short his ankles were showing! And so tight, they were rather more revealing than any mother would care for. It’s no wonder all those awful girls keep giggling and looking at him.
Lucius: ...Girls?
Narcissa: That witch, Pansy Parkinson. Trouble if I ever saw it. She’s no good for Draco. Flirting shamelessly with no regard for other people – what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t object to the girl?
Lucius: Ah very true...I think.
Narcissa: That’s not all. I’m sure I’ve seen that Pansy traversing around with other boys. Just who does she think she is? I have the right mind to call her mother and let her know just the kind of things her daughter has been getting up to!
Lucius: Now Narcissa, perhaps that isn’t the best idea...
Narcissa: No son of mine is going to marry in to that kind of family! Can you imagine the grandchildren? They’d be loud-mouthed monsters.
Lucius: Do not get ahead of yourself, Narcissa!
Narcissa: Perhaps you are right, Lucius, we do have other things to be worrying about. I must confess, I...
Lucius: Yes?
Narcissa: Well...I may have entered into a wager.
Lucius: Narcissa! Not the gambling again!
Narcissa: It was just a small bet! And Lucius, we cannot fail. There is no way the Chudley Cannons will ever win the championship game.
Lucius: (placated) That is true. Well, I suppose this is fine. I do wish you had told me sooner –
Narcissa: There’s something else.
Lucius: What is it now?
Narcissa: I may have told Bellatrix...that you wanted her to teach you Occlumency.
Lucius: Narcissa! I am a perfectly adequate Occlumens!
Narcissa: I know Lucius, but she kept asking and asking – it was all “Cissy” this and “Cissy” that! She said that perhaps Draco would be more interested in learning if he saw his father was supporting him. Who was I to refuse?
Lucius: I will not be taught as if I am some remedial student at Hogwarts!
Narcissa: It’s for Draco!
Lucius: No. I have my pride.
Narcissa: Well, what am I to tell Bella?
Lucius: You’ll think of something.
Narcissa: But –
Bellatrix: (walks in) Ah, Lucius, there you are. Cissy said you wanted to improve your Occlumency skills.
Lucius: Well, Bellatrix, I –
Bellatrix: What was that?
Lucius: Excuse me?
Bellatrix: Did I just hear you try to object?
Lucius: Object? Bella, I am a perfectly –
Bellatrix: I do not take kindly to those who go back on their word, Lucius. Especially from a man the Dark Lord is supposed to be able to trust.
Lucius: (confused) My word?
Bellatrix: Yes, Cissy said you promised to take lessons from me.
Lucius: (shoots angry glare at Narcissa. Narcissa shrugs) I see. Well -
Bellatrix: You know what I do to those who go back on their word, Lucius.
Lucius: (shivers) No need to worry, Bella. This is, er, for Draco after all. I will not go back –
Bella: Excellent! Let’s get started.
Lucius: (pinches bridge of nose) Dear Lord.

For more Ministry approved -
Lucius: Wait a minute, I didn't approve this! I do not wish this to be shared -
Lucius: (mouths words, but cannot make any sound; silently splutters then gives up)
For more Ministry approved content, visit:

Have a pleasant day!


  1. Hahaha, Lucius has NO HOPE against the Black sisters. I applaude you for actually making me feel sorry for the guy. Bellatrix invading his mind? Run away, Lucius. Go join the Weird Sisters. Get a job at Madam Puddifoots, JUST DON'T LET HER POINT THAT WAND AT YOU!!

    I love this, Liz!! Narcissa's motherly concerns were brilliant :D

  2. LOL, your endings always get me. Fabulous, Liz. :D

  3. Hahah I love your interviews and stories :D


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