Sunday, 6 May 2012

Tales from Planet Print #2

Tales from Planet Print is a new feature on the blog. It centres around the daily lives of books here on Planet Print, and the sorts of things they get up to when they think no-one is looking. Each week involves different books and the different situations they get themselves into. At Planet Print, we believe all books are entitled to freedom and happiness. We stand for justice and we stand against shelving. Free books are happy books.


Shadowland: Oh, cruel world of tyranny and injustice, impale me with your spear of hunger and hatred...
Fire: (to Redd) Ugh. Look, it's Shadow being all emo again. I mean, what is with that girl? And why does she speak in bad poetry?
Redd: Hey! Shadowland's cool. I kind of like the way she speaks.
Fire: Oh, so you like being spoken to in riddles and depressing metaphors, do you?
Redd: I don't know what your problem is. I think she's a nice girl.
Fire: ...You like her! Oh my God, you LIKE her!
Redd: So what if I do?
Fire: But...but. I mean...well, I just thought that maybe you li-
Redd: I'm going to talk to her.
Fire: WHAT?
Redd: Yeah. I'm gonna ask her out!
Fire: No! You can't!
Redd: Why not? Not everyone is content with battles and fights, Fire. You might like that fierce kind of life, but I just want to settle down and live peacefully.
Fire: You know what? Fine, whatever. Go do what you like. She's a hardcover though, she's WAY out of your league.
Redd: Oh, thanks for the vote of confidence.


Redd: Hey Shadow!
Shadowland: Good evening.
Fire: (muttering) It's morning, for God's sake.
Redd: Uh yeah. Um, so how are you today?
Shadowland: How am I? That is the question. What is "I", or rather, what is the "self"? Is it an illusion? Does it exist? Am "I" the one experiencing this cold, harsh reality which stabs me in the heart with its sharp, shattered fragment of icey glass? How am I, indeed.
Redd: Riiight. So, er, what are you doing?
Shadowland: What is anyone doing? We are all pawns in a game of chess. Are we responsible for our actions? Or are we controlled by the dark, bleak surroundings in which we must carry out our meaningless lives? To search for meaning is as futile as a searching for life in a graveyard...
Redd: That's deep. So, do you want to go out some time?
Shadowland: I rarely venture outside. Who knows what dangerous fate awaits me in the murky depths of tomorrow?
Redd: Er, no, that's not what I meant...
Fire: (to herself) Right, I have to stop this -


Grammar: Hello, Shadow. I hope I find you well this evening.
Fire: It's MORNING. What is wrong with you people? And who is this guy?
Shadowland: Grammar! I yearned to see you. My heart ached to -
Redd: Wait. Waiiiit a minute. Shadow, who is this guy?
Shadowland: My paramour. I live, I breathe, and all for -
Redd: Wait, so you already have a boyfriend?!
Fire: She has a boyfriend. Wow.
Shadowland: Indeed. He is my soulmate, my eternal love, my -
Redd: But - how are you going out with him? I mean, he's non-fiction! He's your complete opposite!
Shadowland: He understands me. 
Fire: You hear that, Redd? He understands her.
Redd: But I...I...
Grammar: We must depart, Shadow. I want you to meet my parents.
Shadowland: Oh heavenly angels above! I cannot. The darkness in me will surely turn them against me forever.
Grammar: It matters not, for I will always love you.
Shadowland: Oh Grammar, your glorious light shines so bright, I feel the darkness leaving my broken soul...
Grammar: Shadow, my love!
Fire: This is sickening.
Shadowland: Let us leave, Grammar, and together we shall face the unknown!


Grammar: Shadow!
Shadowland: Grammar!
Grammar: Shadow!
Fire: I'm going to kill them.
Redd: I can't believe she already had a boyfriend...
Fire: Er...well. Um. I'm sorry that you, you know. Got er...
Redd: Hit by the Cruciatus curse?
Fire: I was gonna say dropped like a hot potato, but yeah, that works too.
Redd: Potatoes don't accurately portray how torturous that situation was.
Fire: Well...if it's any consolation...I think you're cool. Way cooler than that Grammar guy.
Redd: Thanks, Fire. But obviously Shadow didn't think so.
Fire: Well, she's clearly got a few pages loose, if you know what I mean.
Redd: Ha, yeah. You're a great friend, Fire. Thanks for trying to cheer me up. But I just want to be alone right now.
Fire: Oh. Sure. No problem. What are friends for...


Fire: Idiot...
(END)
Inspired by every teen movie that exists, Beezlebub (the anime) and of course, Harry Potter.

Books (in order of appearance):

Shadowland (The Immortals #3) by Alyson Noël
Fire (Graceling Realm #2)
Seeing Redd (The Looking Glass Wars #2) by Frank Beddor
My Grammar and I by Caroline Taggart and J. A. Wines

And that is all for now! What books did you get this week?

Many thanks to The Works (discounted books rule).

13 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA! God, I love this SO MUCH.

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  2. HAHA! Brill! I'm pretty sure this is what happens after I live the bookshop!!

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  3. Lol this was really great just like the last one you did. I still have yet to read Graceling but I hope you enjoy Fire. :)

    I never kept up with the Immortals series because I wasn't a huge fan of the first book and people said the series got worse as it went on.

    I hope you enjoy everything you got this week!
    Happy reading

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  4. That was freakin' awesome! Fire is a great read - one of my favourite YA books - I really want to get my hands on Bitterblue! :-)

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  5. I loved it!!!! Way cool, and of course fantastic book haul! I'm all up for Fire and Seeing Redd hooking up ;)) Enjoy your insane book haul, Liz! ;)

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  6. Looool lol lol lol. I love this SO much. I can't wait for the next edition, which will obvs feature CoLS....

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  7. I love these posts! Such a fun way to feature your books! :)

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  8. Hahahaha I may have mentioned it last week, but it needs saying again: I LOVE YOU. Oh Redd, you're such an oblivious idiot. Poor Fire! Hehe at Shadowloand and Grammar, I agree with Fire, it's quite sickening to witness :P

    Eeee, hope you enjoy these! I have Fire, which I'm really hoping to get to soon!

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  9. love this, these posts are really making me crack up! I love the mention of the Cruciatus Curse! hahah

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  10. Hehehe, I love these posts!! And I adore that cover for Fire. :) It's so purty! Looking forward to your next installment!

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  11. YOU KILL ME. *dies of laughter* ILY <3 Can I just have all of these books to keep me entertained? That's the only reason of course ;)

    OH REDD. Worse than Ron, that's what you are (okay maybe not thaaaat bad). Shadow + Grammer forever though, they're the perfect couple <3 And obviously they make each other happy... gosh, stop being such a hater Fire. Just kidding, I actually want Fire all for myself - so adorable.

    Happy reading! I haven't read any of these except Shadowland (I THINK? Which one is that?) so I can't wait to see what you think! :)

    Sonia

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  12. hilarious, made my day
    ~dixie

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