Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Harry Potter Week: An Interview with Muggles + Giveaway



Interviewer: Mr Arthur Weasley, Misuse of Magical Artefacts Office, Ministry of Magic
Interviewees: Mr and Mrs Granger, Dentists (a Muggle occupation in which teeth are cared for using several dangerous looking instruments one usually wouldn’t dare put near their mouth)

Transcribed by: Fernius Amplicus Tornstein

Mr Weasley: Mr and Mrs Granger, it’s a pleasure to be working with you today! As you know, many witches and wizard are very unfamiliar with Muggle ideas and conventions, so the purpose of this interview is to better inform them of the Muggle world and how it works. I personally am very fortunate to work with Muggles and Muggle artefacts on a daily basis, but I hope your insight can help further my own knowledge too! So, shall we begin?

Mr and Mrs Granger: Er yes, okay.

Mr Weasley: Marvellous. Now, our first question was submitted by Miss Camily Crockstead from Hogsmeade, and she asks, “What is a pumble? And what business do they have with toilets? Are toilets sacred in the Muggle world?” Good question, Camily! I must say, I’m interested in this myself; there was chaos in the Ministry not long ago – some issues with regurgitating toilets –and there seemed to be many pumbles at the scene. Can you explain to us what they actually do?

Mr Granger: ...Pumbles?
Mrs Granger: Erm, I think you mean plumbers. A plumber is a person who installs, maintains and repairs devices such as heating systems or ones that supply water and sanitation. So plumbers were probably at the scene because they had been called to fix the toilets, you see. They have the tools and necessary training to repair such things most regular people can’t. So it’s not that toilets are sacred – it’s just that plumbers are the only ones that can fix them.
Mr Granger: They charge a fortune, though.

Mr Weasley: Oh, I see! Very enlightening - and it’s pronounced “plumbers” you say? Fascinating stuff. Really, the ways Muggles have learnt to cope without magic... Ah, let’s see, next question. Yes, submitted by Jonah Hartfeltson of Diagon Alley, who asks, “Why do Muggle carry bits of coloured paper in their pockets? And why do they exchange them for products? Is this some kind of currency?” Ah, a common question among witches and wizards – can you help us uncover the mysteries of Muggle money?

Mr Granger: Well it’s paper. And it’s money. You use it to buy things...
Mrs Granger: Ah... what my husband means to say is that we use paper as well as coins as our currency. Here in England, we have coins for small amounts of money, such as 10p and £1 coins, and we have paper notes for larger quantities, such as £20 and £50 notes. Other countries use different values but have similar systems. It means we don’t have to carry lots of coins around with us when we go shopping, which is helpful because coins are heavy and take up a lot of space.

Mr Weasley: What an ingenious idea! Of course, wizards can create extra space with magic, but for Muggles to have invented such a system is truly resourceful. How clever.

Mr Granger: Isn’t it just?

Mr Weasley: Indeed! Now, our next question is from Grizelda Gurthstord from Wiltshire – she wants to know, “Why do Muggle healers brutally cut up people to make them better? Isn’t the point of them to HEAL?” Ah yes, another frequently asked question in the wizarding world. Your response?

Mr Granger: Are you people being serious?
Mrs Granger: (to Mr Granger) Hush now! It’s not their fault they don’t understand our ways, dear. (to Mr Weasley) Well, in the Muggle world, the people who try to heal others are called “doctors”. We don’t have magic to cure illnesses or heal injuries, so we have to find other ways of making people better. Our methods, though they may seem brutal, in fact work very well – I myself had an operation on my knee (in which it was cut open) many years ago, and the pain I suffered from is completely gone now. Doctors are very well trained and skilled at their jobs, and have helped saved millions of lives.
Mr Granger: And we’re dentists you know, so we have the title of “doctor” too. Remember that.

Mr Weasley: You’re doctors? But you don’t save people, do you? I thought you looked at teeth!

Mr Granger: Why you -!

Mrs Weasley: (pokes head out of kitchen) Arthur Weasley! How dare you be so rude to our guests! I don’t see you healing people! No, what you do is bring home Muggle vehicles from work, and, oh, I don’t know, BEWITCH THEM SO THEY CAN FLY.

Mr Weasley: Molly, dear, I thought we were over that! And you know that loophole in the law, so technically –

Mrs Weasley: And does that LOOPHOLE account for your sons finding this “car” AND FLYING IT ALL THE WAY TO SURREY AND BACK? NOT TO MENTION CRASHING IT INTO THE WHOMPING WILLOW!


Mr Weasley: Ah yes, well it didn’t go quite according to plan...

Mrs Weasley: I’LL SAY!

Mrs Granger: Um, perhaps we should leave?

Mrs Weasley: (to Mrs Granger) Oh no dear, please excuse us and get back to your interview. (to Mr Weasley) I’ll deal with you later.

Mr Weasley: (gulps). Ah, okay. (to the Grangers) Perhaps we should wrap this up soon. Er, let’s see. Aha! The last question is one of my own, one I have been pondering since first encountering Muggle artefacts. Please tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?



Mrs Granger: (blank face) Excuse me?

Mrs Weasley: (from the kitchen) ARTHUR WEASLEY! WHY ARE YOUR MUGGLE BATTERIES FLOATING IN MY KITCHEN?!

Mr Weasley: (stricken) Oh dear...excuse me one moment (runs out of interview room)

Mr Granger: They’re all crackpots.

[END]

Hmm, I think maybe Mr Weasey was a little too enthusiastic there. At least he got his questions answered -

Mr Weasley: (sneaks into room) Ah, safe!

Mr Weasley, what are you doing back here?

Mr Wealsley: Sssh, don't tell Molly! I came to ask your readers more questions. I have to know - how does eckeltricity work? How does a plane stay up? What exactly is the "underground"!

Er, I don't think this is a good idea...

Mr Weasley: Please! I must know. The Muggle world is so fascinating!

Erm, well if any of you can answer Mr Weasley's questions, that would be great. I'm sure he'll be happy...

Mr Weasley: Thank you, thank you! I have to leave now, Molly's going to be on the warpath... (disapparates)

Right, well, now that Mr Weasley's left, I can finally start the giveaway! I'm not sure he'd approve of the thing I'm giving you all the chance to win, so let's keep this between you and me, okay?

Thanks to the wonderful Wizard Wood Wands, you could win your very own customised magic wand! Tired of doing the washing up? Wish you could turn yourself invisible? Walking in the rain with no umbrella? Fear not, because a Wizard Wood Wand could be the answer to all your problems!


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One of the many fantastic wands that Wizard Wood Wands have crafted over the years!
NOTE: your wand may differ from the photo above

All you need to do to be in for a chance of winning is fill out the form below. One lucky winner can win one wand on my blog, but over the course of the week, Brodie and Sonia will also be offering you the chance to win wonderful wands from these amazing makers, so in total there will be three winners! I highly suggest you visit their blogs when the time comes for more chances at winning.

Giveaway rules:
- Fill out this form
- You must be 13 or over to enter
- Open internationally
- Ends July 20th
- Following and linking the giveaway are appreciated but not necessary

Muggles: Neither we, nor Wizard Wood Wands, will be held liable if your wand does not perform real magic. Besides, it's illegal for muggles to own a wand anyway!

Well, folks, that's it for today! Make sure you drop by most co-hosts' blogs today to see what they've got for you!

12 comments:

  1. LOL! Oh I heart the Weasleys, I truly do. I love how he managed to slip back out and bombard you with questions and the poor man, I swear, he's never going to get an answer to the rubber duck question, is he? And I love how you characterised the Grangers. Mr. Granger in particular :D

    Ahhh I so want my own wand! Good luck to everyone who enters!

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  2. Hilarious interview! Gotta love the Weasleys :D

    And thanks for making this international. Good luck to everyone!

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  3. Haha, I love Mrs. Weasley, she's awesome. Also, "pumbles"! :D

    Thanks for the fantastic wand giveaway!

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  4. that interview was hilarious but I guess Mr. Granger didn't see the humor in it lol!!!

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  5. too funny, I love the rubber duck! I so want a wand, really had to stop myself from buying the whole HP store when I was at the Orlando airport :o

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  6. Very beautiful post! Thanks for the great giveaway.

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  7. Haha, I love Mr. Weasley and that question about the rubber duck. What IS the function of a rubber duck? o_O

    I can totally see where Hermione gets her patience from - Mrs. Granger was great. I would have been like, "forget it, I'm leaving, psycho." (Not really. I loooove these questions.)

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  8. Love the interview, it really made me LOL and I got some funny looks of my b/f :)

    New follower and also a UK blogger, although still quite new to it :)
    http://muchlovedbooks.blogspot.com/

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  9. Totally brilliant THANK YOU!!!!

    marypres(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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  10. this was fun!! gosh, I love all these harry potter posts. I have some of my own if you want to stop by this week.

    -Lauren

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  11. Brilliant! Made me laugh so much! :) Pumbles...!

    And thanks for the chance to win! :D

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Comments are better than frosted cupcakes :)